Unemployed dad’s Weblog

January 14, 2009

Unemployed dad: online scholar

school1

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January 13, 2009

The "Ms."-adventures of Debi the Temp

hijinks

The “Ms.”-adventures of Debi the Temp

hijinks

January 12, 2009

Unemployed dad is no Audie Murphy

practice

January 11, 2009

Unemployed dad walks an enlightened path

path

January 10, 2009

Unemployed dad can’t sleep

cantsleep6

January 9, 2009

Unemployed dad knows a lot of words

quit

January 8, 2009

Fantastic First Day at Work

The exhaustive job search finally over you head to your new employer, ready for action, excited about the myriad of possibilities that await you at the new company, and relieved to have landed.

Or are you?

Executive HR consultant Eli Bartkowski thinks that both employees and their employers are highly vested in what he calls “Day one impact.”

Bartkowski recommends the following “Do’s and Don’ts” in setting the tone for a “fantastic first day of work.”

  • Do take time to soak in the surroundings, get to know your fellow employees at a cursory level, but keep an eye out for non-verbal cues to the new personalities you will be working with.  “Listen twice as much as you talk” is Bartkowski’s advice. 
  • Don’t be fooled by job titles.  In many organizations the most influential workers are not easily identified by their title.  “Just because the door plate says VP doesn’t mean that the individual has more pull than a first rate administrator, or expert field rep”
  • Do size up the toughest person in the office, and then challenge them to a fistfight in the company parking lot.  “This way they know you mean business, and nobody will mess with you after that” offers Bartkowski.  “Make sure to do it when none of the bosses are looking, but with lots of people around, so everybody hears about it.”
  • Don’t worry about raising eyebrows if you leave someone with a shiner.  “If someone asks what happened say ‘they must have tripped or something’, if pressed for more details, especially among office snitches, glare at them menacingly and say ‘you didn’t see nothing’, or ‘you’ll keep quiet if you know what’s good for you’, either are effective” he adds.
  • Do eat someone else’s lunch as a great way to mark your territory.  “I advocate rifling through the office fridge and picking a random lunch bag, polish off the contents, and leave a handwritten note that says ‘Thanks for the grub, I’ll expect the same tomorrow’.  Handwritten notes are a lost art in the electronic age we live in; they really speak volumes about character.”
  • Do grab an MP3 player, or digital photo frame grab off their desk of one your counterparts and say something like “Nice i-Pod, it’s mine now”.  “What are they going to do about it?  Nothing, that’s what they are going to do about it” adds Bartkowski.
  • Don’t worry if you lack the physical attributes necessary for a great first day using Bartkowski’s method.  “No problem” he says, “Find the prettiest and most popular girl in the office and pay her $1,000 to pretend to be your girlfriend, like in the Patrick Dempsey movie ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’.   Once your counterparts see you hanging out with her, they will want to be your friend and you’ll get invited to all the parties.  And it works for her too, because she can use the $1,000 to pay for a new suede outfit to replace the one she borrowed from her mom without asking and ruined by spilling red wine on it.” 
  • Don’t forget your unpopular friends because you are now part of the cool crowd.  “You’ll come across as a real asshole if you let it go to your head” Bartkowski notes.  “Better to keep it real.”

A great first day is critical to establish a long and mutually beneficial career between a new hire and his company.  As Bartkowski puts it, “It’s all about the win-win.”

January 7, 2009

Unemployed dad sees a sign of the times

sign

January 6, 2009

Unemployed dad takes artistic direction

wii

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